What the heck is an Eigenvalue??

Yesterday I went to a reunion in my Postdoc lab at UVA to listen to Dr Gary Owens give the Robert M Berne lecture and saw many of my lab-mates from that time. 🤩

A reunion is almost like time travel, except time indeed passed.

Gary is now much older, it has been almost 10 years, but still incredibly sharp. He weaved a beautiful story of decades of work from his lab to paint a picture where inflammation is both necessary and also detrimental when it comes to atherosclerosis and heart disease.

After the talk, during the reception, Gary asked me: “Where did you end up?” As a former postdoc who once worried about being a “kid in a candy store,” I felt proud to say: “I am at VCU, teaching Bioinformatics.” I took my time explaining to colleagues how my transition has been going.

That conversation made me reflect as well.

This semester I took BIOS 667 — Statistical Learning and Data Mining. Ahh… to be honest, this course was tough. Probably because I was missing a whole chunk of college-level linear algebra that I never formally took.

One topic that challenged me was Eigenvalues and Eigenvectors. I can bet the word is not even English. My life changed when I discovered a website I needed to review for coursework. I also went back to Khan Academy, only to realize these were basically the vectors we learned in my high school Physics classes. Thanks to my awesome physics teacher, Ayse Yazici.

The gist is that we use eigenvalues and eigenvectors to decompose vectors into a form where matrix operations become easier to understand and perform. Imagine two vectors encompassing a space in a traditional x-y coordinate system. After transformation, we are now looking at that same space through a different coordinate system. The transformed version still covers the exact same space, just from a new perspective that makes the mathematics cleaner and more interpretable. This becomes useful in PCA (principal component analysis), SVD decomposition, and many other methods.

Sometimes the data looks messy in the original x-y coordinate system. Eigenvectors create a new set of axes that better match the natural directions of the data. Eigenvalues tell us how important each direction is. The data itself does not change — only the perspective we use to understand it.

Changing My Perspective

Last night before going to sleep, while my mind was overflowing with this blog I wanted to write, we read Jealous Ninja with my son. The book talks about having a small mindset versus a big mindset. A small mindset focuses on what is missing and skips gratitude. A big mindset believes resources are abundant and there is no need to be jealous. Instead of comparing yourself to others and feeling down, you can choose to

1) praise the other person,

2) practice gratitude, and

3) enjoy the moment.

These ideas echoed concepts from The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, which I recently finished reading. My brain has been playing a symphony of:“Let them be… let me do this…”

Initially, I was not impressed and thought the book was not academic enough. But several chapters genuinely stayed with me. Similar to Jealous Ninja, there is a section on comparison and what to do about it. Instead of sitting in jealousy, the answer becomes:

“Let Them Lead, and Let Me get inspired.”

The book also discusses relationships, breakups, helping struggling loved ones, and motivating people through inspiration and modeling rather than control. One eye-opening realization for me was how much power I tend to give other people simply by fearing their feedback, criticism, or reaction.

Maybe this fear quietly stops me from fully being myself, sharing my insights, or having the courage to live more freely. My sister said creativity feeds the soul, helps to cling to life and find meaning in it. If you worry about being judged, this hampers this survival mechanism.

It turns out many of us are deeply impacted by the question:“What will other people think?”

That fear can slowly shape our decisions, silence our voices, or stop us from following our dreams.

Let them suspect, let me grow.

Let them lead, let me follow.

Let them reject 1000 times, let me apply again.

Let them not approve, let me not need approval.

Mindset Transformation

This actually ties back to Eigenvalue decomposition above. Here, we are doing a mindset transformation. Now we have two new axes: Let Them and Let Me.

Earlier, whatever looked overwhelming in the original x-y coordinate system affects me differently because I chose to transform the way I look at it. It is almost like viewing life through a glass prism, where the same experiences suddenly refract differently.

The challenge then becomes: How do I maintain this transformed mindset in practice? How do I move through life without constantly getting upset, controlling others, or hurting people?

Here is a small bonus tip I discovered recently.

I have been practicing 3 checkpoints lately, especially before sending a message:

1. Does this sentence contain an assumption?Then I should ask and clarify.

2. Does this sentence contain judgment?Would the person feel judged or take it negatively?

3. Does this sentence contain assumptions and/or judgment about another person who is not even addressed?That is bloody gossip just prevented.

Once the message passes these checks, there is a lower risk of hurting people. Still, they may get hurt. Still, I may get hurt. But at least the intention is no longer careless.

Finding the Path to Myself

According to German novelist Hermann Hesse:“The only real job each person has is finding the path to yourself.”

In this self-discovery journey, I am starting Rewired by the Ortners next. It is the follow-up to The Tapping Solution. I am not even sure I fully learned how to tap successfully yet, but maybe this could become another life-changing step for me.

I forgive myself when I make a mistake by tapping. I tell myself that I love my body and that it is already enough. I try to offer myself compassion and empathy instead of criticism.

Maybe there is something almost neuro-magical happening behind the scenes — untangling old emotional patterns and slowly rewiring the way we respond to ourselves.

Maybe healing is partly learning how to stop fighting yourself.

Let me forgive myself. Let me be myself.

And right there… that is the peace.